A Cluttered Mind

The life of a hermit isn't lonely. Maybe I am a hermit crab.

Is it bad that I enjoy sitting in my room alone?
Our culture is so extrovert-based that I actually feel guilty for not going out on a Saturday night. Well, I feel guilty for not "acting my age" in an odd sort of sense. I act like I am simultaneously a 30 year old woman and a 10 year old boy. 

This is probably going to be rather incoherent because that is my mind's current state, but please bear with me.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
When I am alone I feel at peace. I can focus on me, which is something I struggle to do when I am around others.

I find myself being lonely less. I just want to be alone. It isn't a sign of something wrong with me.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/comics-every-introvert-will-understand
These comics are so accurate.

I had an interesting thought the other day. Is one human life worth more than another?
If you had asked me this question a year ago then I wouldn't have hesitated to say that every human life is equal, but lately I've found my opinion shifting slightly.

I think that the main thing that makes a human life worth more is if he or she lives life with passion. The more intensely life is lived, the more it is worth.

*                    *                    *

I'm really proud of making those stars.

You're never too old to make a fort out of pillows and sheets.

A Sticky Situation...

Urban DICKtionary and the habit I share with Bo Burnham

Whenever I think that I've come up with some new word Urban Dictionary always already has an entry for it. My life is so hard. A few years ago I thought of ninjaneer, like a person who trains ninjas. 
But then I came across this:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Ninjaneering

Today I came up with both procrastidating and procrastimating. Sadly...Urban Dictionary, being the DICKtionary that it is, already had definitions for both of them:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=procrastidating
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=procrastimating

AND FOR DICKTIONARY:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dicktionary

It is now my goal to outwit Urban Dictionary. Expect updates.

Maybe I should stick to the other method of making myself feel more creative than I actually am, which is trying to say sentences that I don't think that anyone else has ever said before. (Bo Burnham actually does this too, which I find quite amusing. I'm not alone in my weirdness!)

Examples:

"But I removed my boobs and temporarily replaced them with books."

"My favorite movie is From Justin to Kelly."


"Out of the Box is the reason I have unrealistic expectations."
(This actually has a story behind it: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCU0MrdI1Oc
My roommates and I shouted at this video in pure fury. THIS SHOW IS FULL OF LIES. REGULAR BOXES DO NOT TURN INTO THIS AMAZING PLAYHOUSE. THERE ARE NO MAGICAL RESOURCES THAT APPEAR FOR THE ENJOYMENT OF CHILDREN.)

"I remember a stand selling huge, bigger-than-your-face ravioli." (This was from a dream I had. Mmm, they sound so delicious.)

If any of you have said these sentences before, congratulations. You've proven that I am unoriginal.

Back to school tomorrow so there will probably be less posts...but hopefully I can find some time to write out random things.

First post of 2014: An odd memory, an introvert's lament, Twilight embarrassment, and Pokemon X

I just had a weird memory pop into my head that gave me a strong urge to write, so bear with me as I ramble. I used to look at my fabric softener sheets as a reminder to take my anxiety meds. I purposefully placed the Snuggles fabric softener box on the shelf across from my bed so I would look at it and think, "Hey, you need to take your medicine!" This is an example of how my mind works.

Often I would forget to take my meds anyway...apparently my fabric softener method wasn't as effective as one would assume. Luke would always tell me to set an alarm, or as he would say alarum because he is pretentious and only spells things the British way. I always refused because my stubborn nature wouldn't give up on the power of Snuggles fabric softener as my own personal remembrall.

Speaking of my medicine, I wasn't able to take it last night because it doesn't mix well with alcohol. And it being the New Year, I drank a bit of wine. I apologize to any cops that might be reading this. I know that I have a large cop readership, so if you'd like to come arrest me for underage drinking, I understand. Jail has always been of interest to me anyway. Lots of time for contemplation, which I enjoy.

Sometimes I get perturbed that the world isn't well accommodated for night-owled introverts such as myself. Work and school begin early and socialization is encouraged and expected. Excessive alone time is thought to be a way of brooding or a sign of some other psychological problem. At college there is nowhere to recharge or get a healthy dose of complete and utter solitude. There is the library, but even there you can run into people you know. I often want a room where there is no possibility of anyone entering. Sometimes I wish I could hire a guard.

The room would be simple, just a nice place to sit and a bookshelf. I could think without any worry of someone needing me. It would be my little semi-selfish sanctuary of contemplation where I could recharge enough energy to socialize again. 

It is the new year. I don't really know if I have a new year's resolution. I'm always on a constant quest for self-improvement full of self-doubt and self-scrutiny, so honestly, the whole new year, new me phenomena is sort of a moot point. I want to write every day if possible and try to submit things for publication. Perhaps I'll exercise more, but that is probably not going to happen. Maybe I'll try to do Zumba in my room again and then laugh at how ridiculous I look in the mirror.

I had a strange experience the other day when I was listening to music. I don't know if it was from sleep deprivation or a sudden return to my good old friend Dramamine, but when I closed my eyes I couldn't stop seeing different instruments or animals wearing party hats. The animals would float into the sky and explode to the rhythm of the song. I used to group certain songs together and make a story, or well, more of an opera out of them. Or I'd try to fit certain songs to certain books I read. Embarrassingly enough, when I was into Twilight, I paired the song "Popular Mechanics for Lovers" by Beulah to Jacob's perspective on his relationship with Bella. I think I posted it on a Twilight forum...oh goodness, embarrassing confessions are embarrassing.

Speaking of embarrassing things about myself, I got my first kiss at a Twilight movie. 

Questions I ask myself: Why doesn't Whoopi Goldberg have eyebrows?

When I watched Rudolph this year I tried to figure out why the red-haired doll is a misfit toy (like I always do) and I decided to Google it. Apparently she has psychological problems and thinks she is a misfit toy even though she has no actual "misfit" characteristics. I wonder if this doll and I have something in common...

Pokemon X has a cafe called "Cafe Introversion" where shy people who still enjoy communicating can gather. Why don't these exist in real life? I think that the creators of Pokemon truly understand their demographic.

During my Pokemon X journey today I fought a herd of Nosepass females. If you don't know what a Nosepass is, you might not find this as amusing as I did.

Here is a Nosepass, in all of its glory.

I like the idea of a bunch of Nosepass females sticking together and forming close bonds based on their struggles with self-image and self-confidence. I picture them building each other up and learning to be strong, rock Pokemon women together as one.

On that note of strength and unity, I am going to conclude this first blog post of 2014. I hope you all have as strong of a support system as this herd of Nosepass females.